During the late 90s, my eldest brother introduced me to Thai food in a pub called The Victoria in the languid Surrey town of Oxshott. It was traditionally a place serving the needs of the local community, where you could get a pint of bitter and a cracking bowl of tom yum soup, pork stir-fried with fish sauce, holy basil and green peppercorns. I particularly remember the luscious prawn pad thai on offer; I was instantly in love with the pink-tinged, wok-caramelised noodles with the crunch of beansprouts and the cheek-pucker of lime juice. This is where my love story of Thai food from pubs began. Fast-forward 20 years and I’m at The Swan in Hampton Wick, a neighbouring town of Kingston upon Thames, with the very same purpose of looking after the community with Thai food and a tipple.
First comes the por peer massaman, £6.50. They’re billed as sweet potato spring rolls with vermicelli noodles and peanuts and sure enough, they arrive exactly as described, a pair of golden cylinders that crack open with a savage, bark-like crunch. The dip, though, is another beast: a sugar-bombed chilli syrup, pumped full of tuck-shop sweetness so intense it almost growls. It’s clearly trying to compensate for the missing thump of proper massaman heat. With every bite, I swear I can feel a fine layer of enamel shearing off my teeth, sacrificed to the sticky, cloying onslaught.
In the same stratification of confectionary chaos comes the pad thai with prawns – a tidy little pile of pink-tinged, short-stranded noodles stained with tamarind. Crushed peanuts and raw cabbage lurk on the edges, waiting to unleash their rough, snapping crunch, as if the whole dish is trying to pretend it’s not essentially a sweetshop masquerading as a stir-fry.
The tuck-shop sweetness stampedes straight into the som tam thai, £8.25 – a traditional Thai salad of shredded green papaya, green beans, carrots and tomatoes meant to be jolted to life with fish sauce, lime, fiery chillies and raw, snarling garlic. At its best, som tam should hit you like a brick; heat first, then bite, then a cascade of sour, pungent fish sauce funk flavours ricocheting through the crunch of the vegetables. Instead, this one was yet another small tragedy – a sugar-slathered ambush that stripped enamel with every forkful, a dish that should have roared but arrived whimpering under a syrupy avalanche.
Things got markedly better with the kaeng khiao wan – the ubiquitous green curry with chicken. Finally, layers of flavour hit hard and clear. This one’s got promise, guts, and enough bite to make it totally finishable – unlike the rest, which barely made it past the first mouthful.
And you can’t have a Thai meal without sticky rice
Verdict
When did I go? May 2019
The damage: Expect to pay £20 per head without booze
The good: The green curry filled a hole.
The bad: The food catches your attention for all the wrong reasons – I’m not sure I’ll come here again as I don’t fancy the hefty dentist bill to get my fillings repaired. A crying shame really as Thai food has been so progressive in its representation of late brought to us by the likes of The Begging Bowl, Smoking Goat Som Saa and Kiln. Thai food deserves to be a raucous wake up call for your tongue with all of the boisterous flavours it can bring, not one noted things that are pulsing with sugar which pillages the enamel from your teeth.
Rating: 2/5
Would I go again? The Thai outpost at the Swan has now been replaced by more traditional pub fare.
Address: 22 High St, Hampton Wick, Kingston upon Thames KT1 4DB
Web: N/A
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