Lío Ibiza – I got bills to pay!

Coming to the shimmering, shiny Lío was a feast for the eyes from the very moment you walk into the venue. Our beautiful greeter takes us into the glamorous space which doubles up as a cabaret restaurant overlooking to sea. We’re located right by the port full of super yachts, obviously. They glide along the water so gracefully, fully viewable as you’re dining. As we’re seated, our waitresses place faux dollar bills onto our table. Immediate reactions were clueless looks, but as soon as they pump out through the speakers: “I got Bills I gotta pay, So I’ma gonn’ work work work every day, I got mouths I gotta feed, So I’ma gonn’ make sure everybody eats, I got Bills!!’  It all made sense, as our waitress demonstrates by shaking her leg whilst waving her $$ bills! We replicate naturally.

“I got Bills I gotta pay, So I’ma gonn’ work work work every day, I got mouths I gotta feed, So I’ma gonn’ make sure everybody eats, I got Bills!!’

Magnums of wine were free flowing. 

One negroni was plenty, they were strong enough to knock out a mule!

The menu was themed by being cleverly plugged against famous folk – I mean Quentin ‘Tartare’ Tino, was a tuna tartare with caviar!  

And it commences..

The bread was ignored! It was either stale or the diners were busy waving dollar bills. 

“Gon Zlao’s Jang Wok Eel, Gon Zlao – magnificent Argentine-Japanse Chef”. Eel with seaweed bao and jalapeño mayonnaise”. These were little thumb sized morsels that lasted as long as a hiccup and, frankly at €12 a pop they were woeful. 

Joselito Jamon was more significant and easily more tasty, €77 of your finest for it though please. 

Fidel’s Cerviche was a Polynesian-style amberjack with coconut milk, passionfruit and Peruvian lemon drop pepper €58. From what I could remember it was mostly coconut. 

Ensalada Burrata was a day-light robbery at €42 a pop – I was close to calling the cops. 

“Breakfast at Tiffany’s, no dinner at Lío’s” consisted of pretty as a picture stuffed squid hoops with teriyaki sauce, which were served cold. With 6 mere morsels priced at €72, that disappeared in a blink, I was certainly left feeling cold. 

The teriyaki sauce was nice though. 

Things finally got interesting with the “berenjenas”, which was a cheesy, layered baked aubergine delight. I couldn’t stop eating this delicious thing. It came at a price though, €22 a pop.

“Arroz De Setas” was another star of velvety rice cooked with mushrooms, with the added decadence of truffles. €64 for the little pots worth. 

“The Fish That Hemingway Loved”, was a black cod tenderloin marinated in saiko miso €72. The fish was cooked beautifully, but it wasn’t faultless though (without sounding like I’m moaning), as it lacked some heat and that depth in miso flavour.  

Patata fritas €14. FML

Solomillo was steak of some sort, it was well done which defeated the object of having steak, but the lads seem to like it, even at €78 a piece. Damn carnivores. 

The dinner ended with a shot, chased down with a massage.

The verdict:

When did I go? Sept 2016
The damage: Expect to pay €250-€300 (£200- £250) with lots of booze
The good: The were moments of magic with the “berenjenas” aubergine dish as with the “Arroz De Setas”. It was a shame that the food didn’t match the cabaret entertainment or the breath-taking views.
The bad: There wasn’t a single dish that was worth the weight it was being charged for.
Rating: 2/5
Would I go again? Nah.
Address: Passeig Joan Carles I, 1, 07800 Eivissa, Illes Balears, Spain
Phone: +34 971 31 00 22
Click here for the site Lío

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